Centrelink and me - Forms, Reports and more Forms.

The application forms (for the Disability Support Pension) that arrived in the mail almost sent me to clean the shower with a toothbrush. It was almost a ream of paper.

Baby steps, Lisa, baby steps.

Step One. Obtain a Treating Doctor Report.
But Dreamer hadn't been to a doctor in years. His paediatrician of about 8 years standing had disappeared. I had nothing.

Step One, part 2. Deal with the Department of Health, and obtain Dreamer's medical history. That should help at least.
Put in a 'Request for Medical History' request. More forms!
Receive letter stating that I could not access another person's medical history, and that Dreamer would have to request it.
Request the documents again, in writing, in triplicate, this time with Dreamer's signature on the forms.
Receive a 2 inch thick envelope of photocopies.
Success!!

Step One, part 3. Find a new treating doctor.
Phone, phone, phone, "I'm looking for a nice, aspie-friendly, teen friendly adult psychiatrist".
I didn't want a child psychiatrist, or a paediatrician, because in a couple of years, Dreamer would outgrow them. I really didn't want him to have to transition to another doctor, and I wanted a doctor who would be able to prescribe medication if needed in the future.
Found one!

By this stage it was October, and I was able to get an appointment for February. Specialist waiting lists are such fun...

On the bright side, I didn't have to deal with those pesky Centrelink forms for quite a while.

February rolled around, and the psychiatrist wanted to 'see' Dreamer for a few weeks, and read his previous medical histories before writing the Treating Doctor Report for Centrelink.

Two months, and one overworked credit card later, we had taken Step One.

Step Two - Completing the forms.
Steeling myself, I allocated an afternoon to completing the rest of the forms. The hardest part up to this stage was answering the questions honestly, quelling the urge to say "no, he's fine".

With each stroke of the pen, I had to force myself to focus on what Dreamer couldn't do. I felt I was writing him off.

I knew that Dreamer would have to read the forms, and know what was written.
How, after all these years of being positive, supporting Dreamer's abilities, could I do this to him?
Spin. Put a positive spin on it. Mummy Spin Doctor.

We talked. We discussed ability and disability. We spoke about how it wasn't wrong to accept help with disability, and how these forms were only about the dis-. Centrelink didn't want to know about the -ability part. Dreamer is well aware of his disabilities. He knows he can't do 'stuff' like other kids his age. It was hard, still to put it out in the open, on paper, in black and white, and hand it to a stranger in a Centrelink office.

I was proud of him (and myself) for going through with it.

A Breakthrough with my Pancakes

You know that feeling, where you are doing a happy dance inside, while desperately trying to keep a poker face?

Speedy was cooking pancakes yesterday, for my Mothers Day  breakfast. I was starving, it was 11am, and so I was 'helping' by clearing and washing abandoned cooking utensils, and suggesting changes to frypan temperatures.

Everyone else was elsewhere - it was just Speedy and me.

"Dreamer really does have problems, doesn't he?" came out of the blue, quietly, thoughtfully, with a sense of new-found belief.
"Yes. They're real. He's not just faking it".
"When we were at the movies yesterday, I was trying to organise eight people, and every time we wanted to leave somewhere - the game shop, Maccas -  it was always Dreamer who wasn't finished. He took forever to eat his burger and almost made us miss the movie."
"It's a real disability."
"Yeah."

We left it at that.

Speedy knows as well as anyone what Dreamer's problems are - he's lived with him for 15 years.

He resents that Dreamer isn't asked to do as much around the house as him. He resents that Dreamer always makes him late for school in the mornings by not being ready in time. He resents that he gets yelled at and threatened when Dreamer gets so frustrated he loses any higher language skills.

Just because Speedy can shower, dress, and peel vegetables for dinner in the time it takes Dreamer to find his towel... Just because Dreamer goes downstairs to put on his school shoes, and gets distracted before getting to the bottom of the stairs and is found at 8:30 reading a book, still shoeless...

It's not FAIR. It just IS.

Which is a difficult concept for a kid. Up until now, I could never quite convince Speedy that Dreamer's behaviours weren't deliberately designed for the sole purpose of annoying Speedy and getting out of his 'fair share' of work.

I hope it's a milestone. I hope Speedy can let go of some of that resentment.