End of Semester Review

Six months ago, Dreamer was a bit of a mess. Dragged his feet out of bed each morning, off to school (usually late, because he'd get distracted and not have his shoes on when it was time to go), arrive home, fall on the bed, sleep. Nagged awake, nagged into the shower, he'd stay there through dinner time, and be out in time to microwave re-heat his food and eat alone. Sleep, rinse and repeat.

Ugh.

We found a nice psychiatrist, to help with his disability pension application, and she promptly diagnosed him (on top of his ADHD and Aspergers) with major depression and OCD, and talked him into trying an SSRI
(Zoloft).

He was rapt. He thought it was more than wonderful. He's only missed about two days since February, which is amazing considering he has the attention span of a goldfish.

He told me that the kids at school were rapt that he started talking back to them. His social life has improved ridiculously. Amazing what happens when you actually talk to people.

I've been enjoying the change so much, so happy to see him happy, and thrilled to have him going out and doing normal, teenage, social things. For the first time in his life.

I suppose I knew that we'd have to address the academic issue eventually, but no way was I going to slam down on his new social life to have him catch up on school work. One thing at a time...I wanted him to enjoy his new-found confidence and self-esteem first.

So this week is end of semester exam block, and I can see the reality-check hitting him over the head. He's probably an inch shorter each day when he gets home from school.

I don't know, maybe he thought that with everything going so well, he'd magically pass his exams, and his assignments would magically get done in 10 minutes.

Uhuh. I'll wait for the report card next month, but my feeling is that the marks will be better (as he's been more available for learning in class), but they won't be pass marks. I haven't actually seen him doing any assignment work or homework.

Current status:
Social life - big tick
Happy and confident teenager - tick (except for exam week).

Next priority:
Getting the OCD out of the house.
Maybe in the holidays I'll help him sort out his room, and possibly even throw away some of the junk thats so 'precious'. There are things lurking in the cupboard that have been there for eight years - paperclips, silver paper and other 'shiny things' that were the collectables of the day back in Grade Four.

We could symbolise some fresh starts. Change some habits. He has admitted that (since medication) he doesn't have to do things, but is doing them from habit. Some days he's fabulous, and others he slips back into old habits. 

We could also do some work on timetables. Previous attempts have been abject failures. That'd be something to do with the fact that you actually have to read them (not put them away under a stack of books), and keep track of time.

Next semester:
Academics. Making attempts on things that have been brick walls for so long that he's afraid to even try. It's going to take bucket-loads of encouragement. And reminders. And probably timetables.

Do you think I could get a 'My Frontal Lobe' app for his phone? Because mine is sorely over-taxed.

There's a Merry-go-Round out there

The blogosphere is a big, bad, dangerous jungle. I went autism blog hopping yesterday and it frightened me. Not all of it, but I found some pages that I could only describe as tub-thumping rants written by single-minded zealots.

I remember back in the dim distant past my years of membership on listserves, which were possibly the forerunners of blogs. I remember the years of googling, testing, and searching; of taking the boys to appointments here, there and everywhere; of wanting answers. I remember the boys getting sick and tired of it all and telling me to stop, and realising that I was tired of speaking in acronyms too.

I'm glad I did all that, and I wish I hadn't.

On the positive side, all the testing and reading and questioning definitely helped me to understand the boys, and find tools and explanations that helped the boys understand themselves.

On the negative side, it took so much time. Time from their lives and mine, that could have been spent...

There is an ASD merry-go-round. You hop on when the you get that first ticket that says 'something is different about your child'. The hardest decision to make is when to get off.

The merry-go-round lures you back - a new therapy, a new test, a new cure possibility. This could be the magic bullet for your child, and if you don't try it, you've ruined your child's life. You have to try everything, just in case.

Hop off too soon, and you won't have the information and tools to help your child.

Stay on too long, and your child will be all grown up, and berating you for turning their childhood into a science experiment.

My little guinea pigs grew up and said "enough", and I had to respect that. About five years ago, I stepped off the merry-go-round.

Reading round the blogosphere yesterday freaked me. I found the merry-go-round again, and it was tempting me back for another ride.

The maybes of doubt were creeping in:
"Maybe if I'd put more effort into..."
"Maybe if I'd tried..."
"Maybe I should do a bit more research on..."

Begone, you wicked maybes. I did what I reasonably could. Some things worked, some were a complete waste of time.

My boys are now in control of their own futures (aided and abetted still, and ever, by their mum).

No more merry-go-round for me.